Tensor Rings are the joint invention of Slim Witman, Luc SkyWalker, Marlin Peters, Bertha Etsy, Bill Reed, Herman Munster, and Melanie Evans.
Together they brought the great qualities of ancient magic back into the hands of people without a lot of brains and too much money on their hands.
Together they brought the great qualities of ancient magic back into the hands of people without a lot of brains and too much money on their hands.
It all starts with old copper wire or extension
cords, shortened to some arbitrary length, called a Rubic. Bringing
the ends of the cord back together makes a magic Tensor Ring!
Tensor Rings create an open space, kind
of like the space between your ears, that produce an infinite source
of energy known as a Tensor Field!. Just because this field can't be
detected or measured should not concern you. It must be true since
it's on the internet! This infinite source of energy is neither
plausible or real and has no beneficial effect whatsoever!
It is a super-duper conflector that
manglizes strongetic fields. It brings tranquility to the dim witted
and feeble minded. Tensor Rings stabilize the bio-magnetic psychic
energy field of sunflowers. The Tensor Field produces a measurable
effect on your wallet! (Insert more new age bullshit here).
Tensor Technology is known for its use
in stealing loose change, stimulating skin growths, keeping pet
rodents, contact with the undead, and kabillions of other possible
applications. Wow!
Tensor Technology is based on junk
science and goes far beyond the current reality of science fiction.
Tensor Rings really enrich those that sell them!
Tensor Rings are based on made-up
geometry from ancient immortal egyptians. Oh wait they're all dead.
The Rubic sizes used in the manufacture
of Tensor Rings come from Home Depot and are related to the structure
of the universe, the solar system, the earth and your shoe size.
When extension cords are tied together,
the metal structure is bent, creating a ten-way energy flow extending
out to a parallel universe in New Jersey. If the wire is folded into
a figure eight, an energy flow is produced that amplifies the voices
in your head. Tensor Rings offer meaing to your life since now you can pretend it's magic!
The term Rubic comes from a plastic toy
used by the ancient Egyptians as a measure of wealth. It's length is
measured from the extended middle finger to the elbow. In order to
honor ancient Egyptian wealth and con the public, term Rubic is used with Tensor Rings.
